I don’t know if I’m writing too frequently? It seems to come in waves. Lately I’m just feeling like blogging a bit more but I don’t want to overdo it and lose your interest.
I don’t want my blog to always be depressing. I don’t want it to bring my readers down or darken your days. This is a tough scene and shit is getting more and more real every day over here. And I’m not sure how to share it with you without being a downer.
I don’t want to worry you or make you think I’m about to do something drastic. But I don’t know how to tell you what I feel without sounding dramatic and like I want it all to end, because I do want it all to end.
I want to write about positive things, (and I am still working on a post about the special people in my life), and I do try to share my small victories with all of you, but the reality is that there aren’t many happy moments or good things happening right now.
I am scared and stressed and facing some big decisions and I don’t know who to turn to to help me navigate them. But I don’t know how to write about it because really, only I can decide my life.
My blood results are back. I just got a notification and checked them on my portal, and the doctor’s notes attached. It is RA. If I’m reading the results correctly, it’s very severe/advanced RA, BUT…BUT I may not be reading the test correctly. I’ll call the rheumatologist’s office first thing tomorrow and get something scheduled to talk to him and learn more.
Meantime, I’m not making any decisions about my spine or surgery. I need to learn what i can about the RA and treatment first, and then I can decide which horrible condition needs to be prioritized. Good times.
I’m also sad today at learning of the passing of a GK adopter who meant a lot to me. He didn’t even adopt my foster dog, so I never knew him. He was just a special person who worked his way into my life. I never met him in person, but we became FB friends, and he was a wonderful supporter of the rescue. He and I shared a birthday and would chat back and forth from time to time and OMG did he LOVE his dog. He was just a genuinely nice guy and too young to die. RIP SS, you had an impact on my life and I’ve asked Michael to look out for you. He’s a good guy and he’ll show you around. ❤
So please readers, help me. How can I share my experience with all of you, how can I possibly hopefully help others who will walk in these steps someday, how can I let the blog do its job (which is to be my therapeutic tool) without driving others away? How can I be honest and be authentic without this becoming a depressing place to visit? What would make you want to share this blog for others to read? I’d love to see my readership grow. And I’d love for you to tell me what you think of the blog. I can’t promise I will change anything as this is what I need it to be, but I’d like to understand it from others’ perspectives.