Breathe In, Breathe Out

Has anyone tried any of the meditation apps? I just downloaded Calm. It’s got Guided Meditations, Music, people reading books to you, all kinds of stuff I’m just starting to explore. If you meditate, what works for you?

By the way, hi. 🙂

I saw my general doctor today. I’m having some symptoms that are really concerning such as extreme muscle cramps/spasms and a few other issues. The worst part, is that my ribs feel crushing pain when I stretch, lean, or breathe in too deeply. He thinks this cramping is possibly a side effect of one of the anti-depressants, so I’m stopping those.

I’ll be getting away for a few days on a girls’ trip. I cannot even begin to tell you how badly I need a vacation.

There are things happening in my life that I want to talk about but I’m just not ready to do so yet.  Not good things. Just shit things. When I come back from my girls’ trip, hopefully I’ll be in a better place to share more. I just need to get my head around things first.

It’s been a pretty unproductive time for me at the casa. I haven’t done anything in the way of projects to speak of.  The rescue is taking some of my time, and other than that I’m just pretty much here. Not doing anything. Not being anything. Just here. Inhaling and Exhaling. Taking up space. Doing nothing. Wishing my life away. Nobody notices if I sleep or wake, nobody cares if I get dressed. Nobody knows if I eat or leave the house. Sometimes I might go days without speaking to anyone local. This is exactly what I needed when I decided to take a leave. I just underestimated how alone I’d be and feel (and by the way, the next person that tells me I’m not alone is going to push me over the edge. I am literally alone. By myself. In a house. Alone. Every single day and every single night. Alone. Decisions? Alone. Workload of 2+? Alone. I’m very alone. Trust me, I’ve checked under all the beds).

He was more than my everything. He fueled me and made me who I am. Without him, I’m just here. Weak. Fragile. Broken. Sitting. Waiting. Serving time. Not really caring. Not really hoping or planning or worrying. Just hurting. Breathing in. Breathing out.

Which takes me back to, meditation apps. I’ve started really turning to guided meditation, and I’m always looking for good apps or sites. If you have one, please let me know. ❤

Namaste 😉

~ Lisa

6 thoughts on “Breathe In, Breathe Out

  1. I like sound based meditation rather than guided. We used to do a ‘mindfulness’ exercise at the beginning of my group DBT sessions. One of my favorites is called a rain box or a rain chime. This video has one that was about the speed of the one we used. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bT3hIsVKWQ. That said, when I took a mindfullness class eons ago, after partial hospital round 1, we did just sitting and being still and breathing and listening to ambient sounds, pushing thoughts away to just be present. It’s amazing to me what you can hear when you’re that still. And I’ll toss this out there for you – Magnesium. I take magnesium for muscle cramps. It helps with those (trigger points from fibro) and with sleep (and a few other functions).

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  2. I cannot imagine how you feel. The aloneness, the emptiness, the brokenness. The fragility of life hanging in the balance between inhaling and exhaling. You deserve a break and escape hoping the girls weekend will give you a little reprieve. I used to follow Oprah and Deepak Chopra for a meditation session. Not sure if it is still available but I would imagine they still do it. I haven’t tried any apps I think my ADHD interferes with my ability to concentrate in that type of capacity. Hugs my friend ❤ U!

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  3. I really like Calm and Headspace.
    I’ve also just searched for meditation music on YouTube (I like rain sounds). That’s a nice changeup sometimes.
    💜💜💜

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