A Random Day in the Life

It’s been a long day. I had an MRI on my brain and my cervical spine. Testing for MS. That plus dealing with my life in general is just exhausting.

There’s so much stress. Financial. Emotional. Physical. Stress. And sometimes I don’t know if it’s all going to work out. I’m not accustomed to being poor. I’m not accustomed to being rich either, but I always knew I’d have whatever I needed. Now I don’t have that comfort any longer. I could write paragraphs and pages about the stress, but I don’t want to give it that much power. Let’s just leave it with, I’m going through unimaginable stress about countless things that I never thought I’d have to face.

This shit is not for the weak.

I stepped back into Facebook today. I’m keeping it light. I didn’t install the app on my phone and I don’t plan to. I also stepped back into rescue. I need to wake things up and keep things moving.

Time heals all wounds is a bunch of shit. I know it’s still very new and I’m still very raw, but I miss him more with each passing day. Each day just marks one more day since I’ve heard his voice or felt his touch. One more day since he existed. One more day apart and I only miss him and our life more and more.

So much has changed in a few short months, that I don’t know if anyone could process it all live-time. I feel like it will take me months or even years to wrap my head around my year and all I have lost. So much has changed that my life is barely recognizable.

I don’t really keep track of how long it’s been since Michael left (you’ll find most widows don’t really mark monthly anniversaries, at least in my experience), but I know that as time passes, it makes me more sad. It still feels like it was yesterday to me, but the world around me has moved on. I’m locked in a time-warp and I feel like I’m getting more and more out of touch with the world that is passing me by.

Tonight is my weekly major dose of poison drugs. I’m tolerating them pretty well. They don’t seem to be helping much yet, but I’m told it can take up to 8 weeks to see results. Tonight is Week 6.

So there you have it. A day in the life. Try not to be too jealous. 😉

Peace,

~ Lisa

2 thoughts on “A Random Day in the Life

  1. Lisa … Every day is a new day for you. Even if every single day you feel like you’re just barely making it, forward is forward, and you will get through this at your own pace. With the loss of Michael, none of us can really know the personal feelings of loss you are going through … just know that there are many of us out here standing silently beside you and who will be with you as you do move forward and through this one step at a time. Just know that by writing about your feelings and putting them out there as you have been, you are getting through this every single day, even if only a step, at a time including right this very minute. There are many of us out here standing beside you and silently encouraging you as you move through all of this …

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lisa, I’m sorry. I have no words right now. All I can say is…….I offer you my support in absolutely any way. Email, phone, text, pen pal. I’ll always be here. This seems so inadequate, but……

    Liked by 2 people

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