It’s been a long day. I had an MRI on my brain and my cervical spine. Testing for MS. That plus dealing with my life in general is just exhausting.
There’s so much stress. Financial. Emotional. Physical. Stress. And sometimes I don’t know if it’s all going to work out. I’m not accustomed to being poor. I’m not accustomed to being rich either, but I always knew I’d have whatever I needed. Now I don’t have that comfort any longer. I could write paragraphs and pages about the stress, but I don’t want to give it that much power. Let’s just leave it with, I’m going through unimaginable stress about countless things that I never thought I’d have to face.
This shit is not for the weak.
I stepped back into Facebook today. I’m keeping it light. I didn’t install the app on my phone and I don’t plan to. I also stepped back into rescue. I need to wake things up and keep things moving.
Time heals all wounds is a bunch of shit. I know it’s still very new and I’m still very raw, but I miss him more with each passing day. Each day just marks one more day since I’ve heard his voice or felt his touch. One more day since he existed. One more day apart and I only miss him and our life more and more.
So much has changed in a few short months, that I don’t know if anyone could process it all live-time. I feel like it will take me months or even years to wrap my head around my year and all I have lost. So much has changed that my life is barely recognizable.
I don’t really keep track of how long it’s been since Michael left (you’ll find most widows don’t really mark monthly anniversaries, at least in my experience), but I know that as time passes, it makes me more sad. It still feels like it was yesterday to me, but the world around me has moved on. I’m locked in a time-warp and I feel like I’m getting more and more out of touch with the world that is passing me by.
Tonight is my weekly major dose of poison drugs. I’m tolerating them pretty well. They don’t seem to be helping much yet, but I’m told it can take up to 8 weeks to see results. Tonight is Week 6.
So there you have it. A day in the life. Try not to be too jealous. 😉