When will I get it?

I’m going through something fresh where I cannot stop thinking about him. I wonder what Michael would think of this, or I remember when Michael said that. I should text Michael. I should ask him what he wants for dinner. At the store, I still have to stop myself from buying his favorite things. I need to ask him this. I need to tell him that. Why can’t I get it through my head that he is GONE? He has disappeared. He no longer exists. His ashes are in our bedroom. He’s gone, Lisa. Just gone.

So, I paint. Woodwork is coming along. This is my living room window.

My last post about PTSD relates to this pic. My daughter has the full-blown flu. She’s staying in her basement apartment for the most part, and I got the flu vaccine so I think I’m safe, but my immune system isn’t worth shit so I can’t take chances. The first time I wore one of these was last January when my dad was dying. Then I didn’t see them again until Michael was dying. Putting them on now brings it all back. And honestly, how much does it suck that I happen to have a stock of these?

As promised, my dogs for those who don’t know them yet. All rescued of course.

Cass: My troublemaker crazy minpin. She’s about 9 we think. She came to us about 7 years ago now ❤️. She was pregnant when she arrived and had SIX gorgeous puppies.

Rosie: my sweet girl. She died on my guest bed and I gave her CPR. Two vets told me to euthanize her, I obviously told them to go to hell ❤️

Bella: my grumpy old lady. She’s ancient, partially deaf, losing her vision, and I think she’s going senile. She came to us 7 years ago and seemed old then! Lol She’s very sweet and funny. ❤️

And Baby Faye, my superhero puppy. Her story is too long to tell tonight, but she’s a miracle puppy.

I see the neurologist this week and I’m also going to try to get back to therapy.

I’m finding myself feeling cautiously hopeful about the rescue. Good Karma rescued two dogs this weekend, and we are planning a rescue run in a couple of weeks. We’re saving again and it feels good. I questioned whether my heart would be able to get back into it, but that’s no longer a concern.

That’s all my news for now. Thanks for following and caring. ❤️

Peace,

~ Lisa

4 thoughts on “When will I get it?

  1. Hoping rescue will bring you a small semblance of normalcy glad you are starting to integrate back into it. Blessings and hug to you and your crew.

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  2. Great job on the living room window, Lisa! And stay away from the flu, it’s especially nasty this year … it’s a very good thing you had those masks. Take care.

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  3. I’m so happy that things are looking up for your rescue. That is such an important part of your life, as it was Michael’s also. I know that he’s proud of you. ❤

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  4. Ah, your beautiful pups. They are so cute. And Baby Faye, the miracle girl. She looks so wonderfully healthy. SO glad to read such positive news about the rescue. It didn’t take you long to get things moving again. I never doubted you for a minute, and I could not be happier! And so the path you’re walking and this journey you’re on are changing a bit. Keep walking Lisa. I don’t think Michael will mind one bit if you think of him constantly. I send you strength for this keg of the journey. Feel proud Lisa. You are amazing!

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